LuvTown=Love Team USA=Carrboro
Carrboro Unleashes the Secret Weapon that Bags Them the Gig!
The stakes were high and the morale was low, but somehow Carrboro knew that she would come through. Running neck in neck with the other towns Carrboro knew she had to take a chance and make sure that Oprah noticed..... Every town has desperate men and women looking for partners. If you seen one desperate single person, you've seen them all. It doesn't matter whether they were in Fuquay-Varina, Culpepper Va or Kingsland GA, or Carrboro NC or any other little town in the US, a desperate single person looks the same.
Carrboro was not sure whether the other towns had uncovered that well know fact, but they weren't going to take a chance. This was too important to them. When would she have another opportunity to unveil herself and expose her deepest, darkest secrets to the world? When would another army of reporters descend upon Carrboro like a flock or herd of locusts, devouring all that was pure and uncovering everthing that was not? Beaming the images and data of the naked town back to the world outside. Can Carrboro survive the transmiting to the whole world The Bruce Story again? The Swat Team's famous march up Franklin St? Carrboro didn't think about it and quite frankly, didn't care!
But how to win the contest was the thought that everyone was thinking about. No one was quite sure exactly what the opportunity was, but whatever it was, this was it! So damn the tortillas and full steam ahead. But how to catch Oprah's attention. No one is quite sure where the idea came from but everyone still seems pretty sure that it came from somewhere.
The Autologic National Softball Team after they have been notified that they have been selected to
represent Carrboro in the Luv Team USA reality show....
"The idea of having a full softball team to follow was my idea," admitted alderman Coleman. "Anyone can throw together a few rag tag contestents, but who can farm a team of great looking guys who span three decades in age and have very little success to show for it? I like to call these poor soles our sacrificial lambs! "
The team concept did catch Oprah's eye.... "What a great idea!," She said. "I like the team concept and have always embraced it as a successful method to multiply my wealth. But this is a whole unique use of a team... Normally you don't find so many desperate and pathetic contestants on one ball team or in one place. This will cut down on the costs of interviewing contestants considerable and improve my bottom line, which naturally is the purpose of these public displays of humiliation!"
The team was embraced by the whole town and more specifically but those poor individuals who were now off the hook after caving into friends, neighbors and families who had pressured them into volunteering to open up their homes, hearts neurotic idiosycncracies to the whole world. Actually there was a collective sigh of relief exhaled by the whole town as they realized their chances of becoming colateral damage in the reality show humilation exhibition had greatly diminished.
The team of 20-somethings, 30-somethings, 40-somethings, 50-somethings and 60 somethings agreed to take the hit for the town. "Some of us are married already, some of us have girlfriends and a couple of us are even closet homosexuals and we run the risk of destroying our lives by appearing on the show", said one teammate who wished to remain silent, but couldn't. "But that is what teamwork is all about.. The satisfaction and comfort of knowing that you will not be alone in your humiliation!"
"Yes," chimed another teammate, " look at all the past great humiliations and you'll notice they were all part of a team... Boston Red Sox in '86 vs. The Mets, UNC in the NCAA 2008 semi-final against Kansas and again last week against Florida State... No single player can stand alone, but with the team spirit they can prevail and even bask in their humiliation!"
And so Carrboro and the LuvTeam will prevail no matter how much we are humiliated! So lets all stand up and be proud when those TV cameras roll into town. Afterall, we may be humiliated, but at least Carrboro will be on the map!!