Ship Comes In! The Carrboro News' hard work pays off!
the 21st Century where us newspapers are all struggling to
make an honest dime from reporting the news and keeping our
upstanding citizens up-to-date on the news, it's usually a
small break that keeps us from hurtleing over the precipice
of doom into the wild raging waters of financial insolvancy.
I haven't had time to investigate the books of our little
brother The Carrboro Citizen,
but my guess is that Kirk Ross won't be buying one of the
$1,000,000 condos in the new single
twin tower to be built in the near future.
Through a stroke
of luck, hard work and ingenious planning, the Carrboro News
can kiss those days of frugal austerity goodbye. We have turned
the corner and are racing down the runway towards the destiny
we hoped we'd find one short year ago when we started the
first of a long string of newspapers that were launched in
We've heard for
about 8 years now that the American Dream is gone. We can
no longer provide our children with a life that was better
than ours. The wealthy get all the breaks and tax breaks.
The wealthy's incomes are going up while the middle and lower
classes are losing ground. To that we say "Bunk"....
with hard work and an open mind, you can make millions as
we have(or will be shortly).
The key is in your
email box and an oft mis-labeled "spam" email. For
years now we've been recieving emails promising wealth if
we would help some poor soul in a third world country claim
the millions of dollars that some dead person(either related,
a business acqauaintance, or a government worker) had stowed
away in a bank account that was now up for grabs. We're sure
that they were all legit business opertunities but we didn't
really have the time to investigate and we were a bit worried
if our "business partner" saw that we had no money
in our bank account they would be hesitant to send us the
millions promised. Who could blame them- would you send millions
of dollars to some poor soul in a country that you've probably
never been to?
Well, after holding
out for a year, we finally got that email that we were waiting
for. Actually we recieved three copies of it and two more
from another source that was being just as helpful. I beliveve
the fact that we didn't jump at these get rich quick schemes
made The Carrboro News a more solid and trusting business
partner. We'll be going down to the bank a few days to collect
our $4.8 million which is going to be credited to our account.
As you can see
below, this is not a third world email scam. This is coming
from the Prestigious Barclays Bank of The United Kingdom(check
the link if you don't believe us). Notice the address(London,
England), our partner's name(Cathy Nealon) and her position(Head,
International Banking Division). This is not some guy sitting
at a computer in Nigeria writing fake emails... .This IS the
real deal... and to show how sure we are, we will pay $1,000,000
to anyone who can prove that it isn't.....
Now the good news.....
once the funds clear, we will be hiring 8 more reporters,
buying some new computers, moving our offices to the beautiful
West Main Office building, coming out with a dailiy addtion
of The Carroboro News and offering free coffee and potato
chips to our staff and visitors.
Below is the letter
that made all this possible....
Churchill Place London, E14 5HP-United Kingdom
INSTRUCTIONS TO CREDIT YOUR ACCOUNT WITH THE SUM OF US$4,800,000.00
at this bank wish to congratulate and inform you that after
thorough review of your Inheritance/Contract funds transfer
release documents in conjunction with the World Bank and the
International Remittance Division assessment report, your
payment file was forwarded to us for immediate transfer of
a part-payment of US$4,800,000.00 to your designated bank
account from their offshore account with us.
Auditors reports forwarded to us shows that you have
been going through hard times by paying a lot of money to
see to the release of your funds, which has been delayed by
some dubious officials.
therefore advice that you stop further communication with
any correspondence outside this office since you do not have
to pay any money or fee to receive your funds as you have
met up with the whole funds transfer requirements.
only thing required from you is to obtain the Non-Residential
Clearance Form to enable us credit your account directly by
telegraphic transfer or through any of our corresponding banks
and send copies of the funds transfer release documents to
you and your bankers for confirmation.
you follow our directives, your funds will be credited and
confirm in your bank account within five (5) bank working
days from the day you obtain this Non-Residential Clearance
further details and assistance on this Remittance Notice,
kindly forward your CONTACT ADDRESS, TELEPHONE and FAX NUMBERS
directly to my Private E-mail: email@example.com
International Banking Division.
Bank Plc, UK.