Street Market to Expand.... Targets Super Target!
Every good businessman
knows that diversity is the key to success. Every good business
man knows that a one trick pony cannot entice the public forever
and every good businessman knows that Super Target is racking
up obscene profits with it's new "sell 'em anything you
can for as cheap as you can" Policy(For those of you
who love acronyms- STAYCFACAYC- pronounced StacyFakaYac.
Weaver Street Market,
fresh off it's successful campaign to drive Earthfare out
of Chapel Hill has set it's sites on the next Target- the
it once, we can do it again", one manager explained to
The Carrboro News. "We have an extremely loyal membership
and if we can provide them with the lowest prices and convenient
shopping they will come to us first! Unlike the conventional
advertising model that relies on getting clients into the
store to purchase a cheap protect and snagging them with the
more expensive, we just want to get the members in the store
the first time, and then they're sure to come back again."
much maxed out on the food membership potential(FMP) so we
need to diversify to other areas. After doing a careful market
analysis we have discovered that the three hottest areas in
the retail market are electronics, baskets and vases!"
Weaver Street Market
is betting that it's expansion in electronics, baskets and
vases will help solidify it's position as the leader of the
Carrboro Health Food Co-op Association. "Right now we're
hovering around 100% of the market that shops in Carrboro
Health Food Stores, but we hope that with a rather large investment
we'll be able to increase our hold on the market."
massive collection of vases, only second to the Thrift
Shop, Weaver Street Market hopes to double it's revenue
from Flower Sales. Unable to answer the philosophical
question that has been debated for centuries "What
came first, the flowers or the vases?", Weaver Street
Market, in a show of market savvy responds "Who gives
a shit.... we offer both!"
With the flower
& vase market exploding, Weaver Street Market took it's
profits and invested them into the Electronic business instead
of giving the profits back to the members. True to it's motto
"Give the profits to the members once and you have no
money left over, invest the profits in the business and you'll
have more profits to invest in the business!", Weaver
Street Market embarked on it's bold new marketing plan.
be $1.36 for the mushrooms, $2.21 for the basil and
$1,796.86 for the computer"
Purchasing a computer can be a daunting and exhausting
job. Weaver Street Market has devised a more relaxing
way.... Pick out a couple of mushrooms and some loose
basil and then your computer.
Editor's Note: They are specializing in the sale
of wires but still have a lot of space to expand the
With phase 2 firmly
in place there was only one more area that need to be put
in place to complete the bold new triumvirate of sales. The
Baskets.... "We recognized a long time ago that there
was a huge market for baskets. Have you ever gone to the thrift
shop? They have more baskets than any other type of thing
for the home. When we saw that, we new that our future was
in baskets! With our new program in place we have sold a massive
amount of baskets.... People were coming in and purchasing
2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 baskets at a time.... we couldn't bag the
baskets nearly as quickly as we could sell them. So once again
we came up with a bold new marketing plan... The Basket Case.
With 6 baskets in a case, and cases moving out at an uncanny
speed, we are proud to be know as "Weaver Street Market-
The Home of the Basket Case".
few of the millions of baskets sitting atop the fruit
bins... mixing and matching just 6 of these babies will
help you create your own basket case.