Street Market Contemplates Ban of Children!
In a turn of events that
can only be called bizarre, a new children policy could forever
change the face of Weaver Street Market. Long a heaven for parents
who enjoy the freedom both they and their children have due to the
large open expanse of space and the liberal attitude of Weaver Street
I suppose if we had read
all the signs correctly it wouldn't have been such a surprise as
the movement to remove children began almost 8 years ago when Riki
Hermanson first stated "There are too many kids here, I liked
it back in the beginning when there were hardly any!" For those
of you who don't know Riki, he was the engineer for his self-imposed
two year personal boycott of Weaver Street because their leaking
pond was a waste of water. Weaver Street is still reeling from the
loss of Riki, but he has recently called off his boycott and now
both Riki and Weaver Street Market are slowly getting back on their
From that seemingly innocent
beginning, the "Ban Children" movement progressed
slowly, but more recently it exploded when dogs were offered
the opportunity to join Weaver
Street Market as members.
As usual, the response
from the Weaver Street Market staff was mixed. One employee
asked, "How could we have known it would come to this?"
and then stated "This is bad, bad, bad for Weaver Street".
Another employee was a little more optimistic, "The children
don't spend much money and they're always running all over
the store picking up little things and putting them down somewhere
else! I doubt the dogs will spend much money, but at least
they don't grab all kinds of things off the shelves and leave
them where ever they happen to be when they get tired of them!".
As you can imagine the
parents are very upset and are planning a major demonstration on
Friday. "Had I known this was going to happen," one parent
lamented, "I wouldn't have had two more children! Now what
am I going to do, hang out at Chuckie Cheese? Fat chance, maybe
when they get an organic, hormone and anitbiotic free extra large
pepperoni pizza I may!". Other parents had a more vindictive
streak as they tried to think of ways to get back at the dogs. Some
parents volunteered to walk their cats on leashes up and down the
sidewalks outside Weaver Street in hopes of working the dogs up
into a frenzy while another parent suggested each member show up
with ten dogs of their own. "We'll show those Dog People that
their dogs can behave just as bad as our children!"
The Dog poeple on the
other hand were elated. "Those children were a real inconvenience!
I bring my three dogs here all the time and if one of them were
to bite one a child, who do you think would get blamed? Now that
we've gotten rid of the children, my dogs are finally safe!"
your neighbors think......