The Bruceway- A Clear and Simple Solution

With all the unnecessary namecalling, loss of sleep and emotional trauma, let alone the huge rift that has opened between the residents of Carrboro(think wedge issue here!), The Carrboro News has presented what we see has a very workable solution to the Ban on Dancing Bruce Debacle.

A common complaint of Weaver Street Market eaters as they sit at the tables is the sweet aroma of carbon monoxide fumes mixing with the ever-present Jade Palace Garlic scent and wafting over to the tables causes a sensual(or maybe it was sensory- I can't read my handwriting)overload when mixed with the Weaver Street food(both hot and cold bar)sitting helplessly on plates on their tables.

The November 22 demonstration to close Weaver Street to traffic had at least 70 participants chanting anti-Weaver Street Slogans(the road, not the market or real estate agency on Main Street. No wonder no one can every find Weaver Street Realty- shouldn't it be Main Street Realty?--editor) for a Guiness Small American village record of 12 hours. Accompanied by such signs as "Down with Weaver Street(the street)" and "Up with closing Weaver Street(the Street)", the motley crew caught the eye of the Carrboro Town Government. All involved thought they had made a breakthrough and the closing of Weaver Street, the twinkle of a dream in every diners eye who has eaten a meal at Weaver Street Market, would finally become a realty. But it was not to be. As soon as the last protester packed up his sign and drove home, the Great Protest of 2005 was forgotten by all.

It was not until The Dancing Bruce was banned from dancing on the Weaver Street Commons that the idea surfaced again. With the pull of The Carrboro News, the relentlessness they possess and their rugged determination to gingerly ram legislation through the Town Government, the idea was given new life.

If we close Weaver Street, we'll have a beautiful promenade not unlike the pedestrian walkway that now circles the Acropolis in Athens. As the Parthenon is to Athens, Carr Mill Mall is to Carrboro, two historic buildings epitomizing the golden age of each town. A move like this could easily raise the town's prestige. No more would we be "The Paris of the Piedmont"(that should have been dropped when the Freedom Fries were picked up!), but instead "The Athens of The America". That will more readily feed our grandeur of Illusion than any reference to Paris could ever do.(Why would we compare ourselves to the French who are so readily made the butt of so many of our Carrboroian jokes anyway!). Now the Greeks.... That's a CIVILIZATION worthy of being compared to Carrboro!

And the little tiara that would sit on the hydrocephalic head of this grandiose face-saving proposal? Rename that little de-automobilized section of Weaver Street, The Bruceway, in honor of the brave man who made this all possible. Along with a statue of the Dancing Bruce there will be a plaque similar to another of our great monuments to American tolerance of foreigners(The Statue of Liberty) stating "Bring us your dancers- Israeli Ahuv Sheli(A circular dance that would work nicely as participants dance around the statue), Greek Syrtaki, American Folk, Rap, Swing, Russian Ballet and single black men of any nationality doing free style open movement dances. Our hearts and The Bruceway will accept them all."

The Carrboro Town Government is bracing itself for the onslaught of emails and phone calls in favor of this proposal.

Map of The Bruceway and location of the site of the Statue of The Dancing Bruce. Click here and scroll to the bottom of the page to see The Statue of the Bruceway (note- this map is not drawn to scale and is not very accurate)