Orange County Resident Bombs Out of Federal Jury Duty 3

I thought about programs like "Scared Straight" that show kids what it's like to go to prison. As far as I know, those programs have limited success. If you want to have a successful program just show people what a jury looks like. A 15 minute movie walking through the ranks of the potential jurors would scared even the most hardened lawbreaker straight! But I suppose that exposes one of the fundamental flaws of the American Legal System, which is naturally biased towards the people who made the laws(that only makes sense that the person who makes the rules is going to make them for himself). If you want a real jury of your peers you should be able to pick them yourself- Afterall, I know myself better than any DA, Attorney or Judge- Why can't the defendant just be tried by his own friends- those would be his true peers(Or maybe they should change the words in the hankdbood to "Trial by a jury of people who have nothing in common with you".)

Anyway, those five minutes convinced me that I didn't want to be on the other side of the jury stand!

I made it inside the room, listened to the quick set of instructions and followed directions by picking up a clipboard with a questionnaire and a pencil and taking my seat in an empty chair. As I walked to the front of the room where the empty chair was I couldn't help noticing the 50 inch TV in the front of the room. "Cool. I'll be able to catch up on the news while I'm waiting!".

Nope, no such luck. A real estate infomercial was playing. Talk about good gigs! I wondered who was getting paid to put that show on.... The Court Clerk?... The Deputy Court Clerk?... The Judge.... or was the payoff going further up the chain? Talk about captive audiences! If I'd only known, I would have smuggled in a universal remote and changed the channel. Peer or no peer, I bet that little act would have made me a lot of friends!

I filled out the form, put it on top of the pile of completed forms and put the clipboard back on the pile of clipboards. So far jury duty didn't seem to be so hard and there wasn't anything I couldn't handle yet(although I was getting close to asking who had control of the remote.).

A few minutes later the deputy court clerk came to the front room, introduced herself, gave a little speech(similar to a flight attendant with her preflight monologue) adding some jokes which I can only assume she has repeated every Monday morning 52 weeks a year since she started the job(I believe it was 5 1/2 years ago). One of her jokes was the "I can think of better things to do on a Monday Morning" joke that everyone within earshot, including myself seemed to recite to each other- I think it was a good ice breaker to start a conversation as well as let the other person know that "I'm really not into this jury thing that much".

We watched a movie that answered a lot of our questions but I was somewhat distracted by the fact that the judge in the movie had an uncanny resemblance to Jay Leno. I kept getting lost thinking I was watching a skit with Jay Leno playing the Judge. It shouldn't really have been that distracting expect that I found myself waiting for the punch line or the joke that never seemed to come. Since he didn't provide them, then I had to make them up myself as we went along, which only served to distract me further from what the film was trying to tell me.

After about 15 minutes we said good-bye to Jay and the deputy clerk took control with a few more jokes and answered questions. When all jokes and all questions were exhausted she said we were now ready to go downstairs to the courtroom. She was going to call our names and have us line up at the door(This was very much a flashback to my days in Elementary School!).

"But first I'll need to see 8 of you". I had a sneaking suspicion that being called out would be a good thing in this case, and although I didn't know why she was calling out the names, I secretly hoped mine would be called. Sure enough I was the fourth person to be called! I walked towards the back of the room and positioned myself to talk to her first.

"You can pack up your things and go home!"

"OK. ", I said, not wanting to sound too happy. "Should I come back?" I asked. Again trying not to sound to happy. Have you ever been really exciting about something but unable to express yourself? I was in that position, but I think my conflict of emotions might have been evident as it seemed that every other word was spoken in a tone of high pitched ecstasy while the next word was spoken in a hushed somber voice...

"Nope, you're all done. Thank you for coming!"

I felt a quick pang of disappointment shoot through my body. I had almost resigned myself to the fact that I was going to spend a lot of time with my new friends. I started to feel cheated... wasn't I good enough to serve on a jury? Was I too ignorant of the American Legal System?(How did they know I didn't read the "How to be a Juror" manual?) Was I too liberal? Should I have worn a tie? What could I possibly have said that would disqualify me from serving? I decided that I would never sleep again if I didn't know the reason I was not going to serve. I needed closure to the jury duty situation. And so I asked....Aware that it was probably one of two things that I had written on my clipboarded questionnaire in response to the question "Have you or any family members been defendants or plaintiffs in either civil or criminal cases?" Only two cases came to mind and I wrote them down.

1. My nephew was arrested 12 years ago when he was 16 for blowing up a mailbox with a cherry bomb and for his punishment he was sentenced to community service.(I didn't mention that it was a policeman's mailbox because I didn't think that would sound good!) and;

2. My mother was arrested for possession of marijuana 15 years ago and was given probation.

Which one was it? Neither of them seemed to be that bad to me(and Maybe that's another reason why I wasn't chosen to be a juror!)

"The court takes bombs very seriously" she told me....

So there I was- disqualified from serving in the federal court system because my 15 year old nephew blew up a mailbox with a cherry bomb 15 years earlier.....

As I drove home I had time to think about the ramifications of the nonfatal mailbox bombing incident that occurred 15 long years ago.... I wondered if it ever crossed my nephew's mind that his favorite Uncle would be disqualified from jury duty 15 years later. Maybe he did realize that(perhaps he had just finished his civics chapter on "Jury Duty and Bombs") and knew full well the ramifications of his action and how it would impact his Uncle.

If so, I'll have to thank him.....

Maybe I'll wait until the Fourth of July.