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The Great Wall of Weaver Street

With all the controversy surrounding The Dancing Bruce, The Hoopers and not to mention Ted Nugent's Son, Carrboro is entered a phase never reached before. Even the days of forced integration pale compare to the wedge that has been driven between the Weaver Streeters and the non-Weaver Streeter wanna- be's.(being cool, organic and liberal doesn't come easy to everyone!).

Searching for an answer was painstaking and often appeared futile, until Israeli showed us the way. A fifty foot wall to keep them out and us in. What better solution for any place, anywhere in the world. Walls are easy to build, solid, long lasting and if wide enough they provide a large walkways(ala The Great Wall of China). Yes, Carrboro is often compared to the Great Civilizations of the Ages, but The Golden Age of Greece is about as grandiose as we can get with this struggling little village- although lately it is becoming surprising similar to the competitive city-states of Greece as the warriors of Sparta try to overpower the educated and refined Athenians.

So, it looks like a wall it will be. Fifty feet of red brick that will be insurmountable from either side. Not only will it keep undesirables on their side of the wall, it will provide an additional 2 hours of shade to protect both insiders and outsiders from the brutal NC summer sun.

The gateway, a majestic archway with iron doors that will be able to withstand a fully loaded Hummer traveling at speeds that would would burn 3 gallons of fuel a mile, will be manned by Carr Mill Security. To get in you'll have to provide your Weaver Street Market membership card. To get out you'll have to pretend that you don't have one.

As you walk through the gate, you must do a fancy pirouette while holding your hands high in the air in a maneuver that looks like a cross between praying and and trying to swap an imaginary bee in the sky.(This was Bruce's contribution), while acting nonchalant.

"I think it will be a great addition to the community", one resident told The Carrboro News. "Jesse Helms suggest we put a fence around Chapel Hill, but I think putting it around Weaver Street Market will suffice!"

The View of Weaver Street Market from Maple View Ice Cream Rocking Chairs

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