How can Bruce dance on the lawn when there is no lawn?" -Confused Citizen

Weaver Street Market Caves in to Carr Mill Demands!
Compromise Reached 'For the Good of The Community"
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Ruffin Slater and Nathan Millian presented a solid front against the scum, scoundrels, undesirables and grass tramplers of Weaver Street. In a "News Conference" they outlined their new plan that was "a compromise in the best interest of the businesses and community": Have a sign up sheet for performers to sign up in little witsy bitsy one hour time slots after 6pm and on weekends. There is a maximum of one hour per participant.

Man, I was worried about the grass being overrun by entertainers, God forbid. I would hate to see my daughter exposed to dancers, jugglers, musicians, hoopers during weekday prime time hours. But, evenings and weekends- that's OK.

I guess it's sort of like television(in reverse). Instead of having our children(and us) outside on the lawn at Weaver Street watching people pursue their interests on their own(Is self-motivation something we don't want our children to learn about? Of course it is!, so that they blindly accept mindless decisions like this!), we should have them home watching TV. If we want to continue to move our society in the direction it's going, it's important not to expose our children to too much creativity and instead have them isolate themselves at home and play video games and watch cartoons laden with violence and soap operas.

"No performances will be tolerated before the September 15th implementation of the program, Children. Now, we mean it. It's a very bad thing you're trying to do to our community and we as protectors of the youth and citizens of Carrboro are taking our role as protector of those who cannot take care of themselves very seriously!"

"The landscape on the lawn suffers from the hundreds who use it every week!", said Ruffin Slater in The Chapel Hill Herald. Yes, that's the hundreds that use it during the Sunday Brunches and the Thursday After Hours, not one guy dancing(mostly on the bark, I may add) or a juggler(have seen a couple of those over the years), or a magician(Don't recall seeing one of those in the 12 years I've been here). I've seen more toddlers trampling the grass than jugglers, dancers, musicians and magicians combined!

I guess I was completely blind sided by the masses of performers that were overrunning, the Weaver Street Commons and scaring off the paying customers(even though a lot of the performers ARE paying customers). I didn't see them coming, but actually, they didn't come, and they aren't even here. Weaver Street Market and Carr Mill Mall have acted in a preemptive way to stop a possible invasion of entertainers.(This Bush Presidency's ill advised policies appear to be trickling down to all corners of society).

How does The Carrboro News feel about the "compromise". To put it nicely...WHAT A JOKE!!!!!