Carrboro Decides to Build Up.....Out..... and Down... and as a Matter of Fact... All Around

No longer willing to sit in the shadow of it's larger and better known neighbor, Carrboro has decided on a somewhat risky path of building wars with Chapel Hill.

"We'll never overtake them with our wait and see, evaluate and grow slow policy! That's so... so... so.... Democrat! The Republicans go after whatever they want, and damned be the consequences, and so will go Carrboro!", explained one person who might possibly be a Carrboro Alderman. "We're tired of living in their shadow. We want to be known as Carrboro, in and in our own right.... not as 'Carrboro- Gateway to Chapel Hill".

With the approval of the first in many to come downtown projects- 48,000 sq. foot, 72-foot high 7 and 2/10ths story building will become the centerpiece of the Carrboro Downtown project until the real center piece is built, which is projected to be started and completed sometime in the future. The centerpiece will be in the space previously occupied by Piggley Wiggley.

"I'll be delighted to kiss Piggley-Wiggley good-bye", said one alderperson. "It's long overdue!". This led one observer to question when the last time the alderperson had visited the town she represents. Piggley-Wiggley has been gone so long that 76% of the Carrboro residents no longer even know that it had even existed. But for those of you who are sticklers for facts, according to our research department it's been determined that the Piggley-Wiggley moved out just about 15 to 25 or 30 years ago or maybe longer, but also possibly less.

Our vision of Carrboro Traffic- This will keep them from moving here...

Part of the plan to expand is to build outward, upward and downward.... Large 10+ story buildings will help us to keep the outlying fields green so that we can develop them into large Cary-like suburban communities and to help ease the parking problems, which can only get worse, by digging down and setting up subterranean self-tending parking lots.

Addressing the problem, another Carrboro town alderperson said that the parking difficulties would be outweighed by the significant increase of the nonresidential tax revenue. Once again The Carrboro News put it's research department to work and they determined that the alderperson is correct- the inconvenience to maybe 75-100 people a day will be far outweighed by the fact that residential property owners will receive a tax rebate of between $1 and $2.34 per household for the 2008-2009 tax year. Who ever said that taxes never go down!

For the past ten years, the quaint little town of Carrboro has shown up on everyone's top ten places to live, causing a rapid growth that is hard to keep up with. "These lists are killing our little town. As long as we make the top ten we will have to fight this influx of retirees, and urban refugees. The only way to stop this influx is to get off the lists.... and the only way to get off these lists and protect our quaint little town is to expand quickly so that we have the same traffic problems, high taxes and crime as other communities. That will stop the influx. We could sit by and idly watch it happen, or we can take the bull by the horns and do it quickly. "

Seeing the onslaught of strip malls and wall to wall buildings and businesses on Long Island, it has become evident that the only way to stop the Long Island escapees is to say "Hey, we've got the same problems as you, plus 95% humidity in the summer and no professional Major league baseball teams".

The Carrboro News salutes Carrboro's drive to become the biggest, best, crowdedist, most business and residential tax-based community west of Chapel Hill!...... Forward Troops!!