Our Ship Comes In! The Carrboro News' hard work pays off!

In the 21st Century where us newspapers are all struggling to make an honest dime from reporting the news and keeping our upstanding citizens up-to-date on the news, it's usually a small break that keeps us from hurtleing over the precipice of doom into the wild raging waters of financial insolvancy. I haven't had time to investigate the books of our little brother The Carrboro Citizen, but my guess is that Kirk Ross won't be buying one of the $1,000,000 condos in the new single twin tower to be built in the near future.

Through a stroke of luck, hard work and ingenious planning, the Carrboro News can kiss those days of frugal austerity goodbye. We have turned the corner and are racing down the runway towards the destiny we hoped we'd find one short year ago when we started the first of a long string of newspapers that were launched in Carrboro.

We've heard for about 8 years now that the American Dream is gone. We can no longer provide our children with a life that was better than ours. The wealthy get all the breaks and tax breaks. The wealthy's incomes are going up while the middle and lower classes are losing ground. To that we say "Bunk".... with hard work and an open mind, you can make millions as we have(or will be shortly).

The key is in your email box and an oft mis-labeled "spam" email. For years now we've been recieving emails promising wealth if we would help some poor soul in a third world country claim the millions of dollars that some dead person(either related, a business acqauaintance, or a government worker) had stowed away in a bank account that was now up for grabs. We're sure that they were all legit business opertunities but we didn't really have the time to investigate and we were a bit worried if our "business partner" saw that we had no money in our bank account they would be hesitant to send us the millions promised. Who could blame them- would you send millions of dollars to some poor soul in a country that you've probably never been to?

Well, after holding out for a year, we finally got that email that we were waiting for. Actually we recieved three copies of it and two more from another source that was being just as helpful. I beliveve the fact that we didn't jump at these get rich quick schemes made The Carrboro News a more solid and trusting business partner. We'll be going down to the bank a few days to collect our $4.8 million which is going to be credited to our account.

As you can see below, this is not a third world email scam. This is coming from the Prestigious Barclays Bank of The United Kingdom(check the link if you don't believe us). Notice the address(London, England), our partner's name(Cathy Nealon) and her position(Head, International Banking Division). This is not some guy sitting at a computer in Nigeria writing fake emails... .This IS the real deal... and to show how sure we are, we will pay $1,000,000 to anyone who can prove that it isn't.....

Now the good news..... once the funds clear, we will be hiring 8 more reporters, buying some new computers, moving our offices to the beautiful 605 West Main Office building, coming out with a dailiy addtion of The Carroboro News and offering free coffee and potato chips to our staff and visitors.

Below is the letter that made all this possible....

Barclays Bank Plc

1 Churchill Place London, E14 5HP-United Kingdom

http://www.barclays.co.uk

Dear Sir/Madam,

RE: INSTRUCTIONS TO CREDIT YOUR ACCOUNT WITH THE SUM OF US$4,800,000.00

We at this bank wish to congratulate and inform you that after thorough review of your Inheritance/Contract funds transfer release documents in conjunction with the World Bank and the International Remittance Division assessment report, your payment file was forwarded to us for immediate transfer of a part-payment of US$4,800,000.00 to your designated bank account from their offshore account with us.

The Auditor’s reports forwarded to us shows that you have been going through hard times by paying a lot of money to see to the release of your funds, which has been delayed by some dubious officials.

We therefore advice that you stop further communication with any correspondence outside this office since you do not have to pay any money or fee to receive your funds as you have met up with the whole funds transfer requirements.

The only thing required from you is to obtain the Non-Residential Clearance Form to enable us credit your account directly by telegraphic transfer or through any of our corresponding banks and send copies of the funds transfer release documents to you and your bankers for confirmation.

Should you follow our directives, your funds will be credited and confirm in your bank account within five (5) bank working days from the day you obtain this Non-Residential Clearance Form.

For further details and assistance on this Remittance Notice, kindly forward your CONTACT ADDRESS, TELEPHONE and FAX NUMBERS directly to my Private E-mail: cathynealon@gmail.com

Yours sincerely,

Mrs. Cathy Nealon

Head, International Banking Division.

Barclays Bank Plc, UK.